Over the last week, I’ve been reflecting on communication styles and how people often hold back what they really mean to say.  I’m so tired of this, especially in regards to parent relationships with other parents.  So I tried something new.  I just started asking “I can’t tell if you mean this or this” and ask for clarification even when awkward.  Like “My son wants a playdate but I can’t tell if your son does or is actually busy.  It’s okay either way but it would help me to know which you mean.” or “I enjoy having coffee with you. I can’t tell if you want to just hang out for playdates or if you are up for a deeper friendship. Can you please clarify?”

This has been so freeing!  Instead of “guessing” if I am being locked out, I’m inviting gentle honesty. So far people have been honest after that and it has kept me from either pursuing a friendship that isn’t really going to happen or feeling unsure on an interaction that was actually mutually positive.